I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
