im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
