WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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