if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
