So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
