Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
