Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
