i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
