His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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