the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
