there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
