It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize