It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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