I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
