I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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