I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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