Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
