O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
