Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
