How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
