My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
