I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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