I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
