How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
