i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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