Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize