Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
