your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she looked like the before picture.
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John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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