I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
