I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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