Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
