Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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