I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize