well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
