what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
