He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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