So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
