And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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