i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
