i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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