God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
