Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
