My first STD was from a foam party
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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