Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
