HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
