What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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