Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
