Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
