my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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