Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
