Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
