My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
