She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
