He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
