The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
