I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
